"Now, given that the future of civilization depends on diminishing the attractiveness of being a dummy, we will introduce, from time to time over the coming period, a series of pedagogical discussions, on the above-titled subject, "Riemann for Anti-Dummies." This investigation will take us through the development of what has been generally called Gauss' and Riemann's theory of functions. While formal mathematical presentations of this subject abound, both in a form suited for high priests of mathematical and computer sciences, and also in a form more suited "for dummies," virtually all these surveys lack any real understanding of the thinking underlying Gauss' and Riemann's discoveries. From our standpoint it were more appropriate to characterize the Gauss/Riemann theory of functions, as a metaphorical science, rather than a formal mathematical one. That being the case, we will avoid beginning with a formal definition of a function, preferring to leave such matters unstated, so that the reader can construct a concept, rather than learn a definition."